Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
