All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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