Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
