I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
