but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
