YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
