Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize