"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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