Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
