one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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