put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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