playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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