so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm at about main and main street
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
