Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
