Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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