Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize