singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
