Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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