if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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