Just cropdusted the office
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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