I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
