Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
