A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
