I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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