My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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