i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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