when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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