i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Shame - the story of my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
