i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
