I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
