I didn't shave. On purpose
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
