The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
