Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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