just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
