I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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