god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
