And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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