spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I fill condoms, not promises.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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