The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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