I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
