i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This house was built for laser tag.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
