There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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