I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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