twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
