My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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