So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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