I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
