so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
