i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
