Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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