you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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