I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
