im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
