I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
