I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
