she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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