R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
