Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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