i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
