Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
