apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
