Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
