Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize