i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
