Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
