make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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