Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
