Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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