My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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